Opinions vary on the concept of a trusted adviser. Like many useful ideas it has been used and abused particularly by large organizations that have proved unworthy of their promises. Ed Kless expressed the frustration experienced by many last year with his brief post “stop with the trusted advisor”. It’s annoying to hear people make promises to this effect when they know very little about you. While I acknowledge this is a lofty goal, I still aspire to be a trusted advisor to my employees. So, how I do try to up my game in this regard? My goal is to make a more conscious effort to integrate this approach into my management style. I am currently reading a book “First among equals” with some excellent suggestions in this regard. I’d like to share them with you now. Most of these suggestions actually come from a book by the same author called “The Trusted Advisor” I add some of my own perspectives and experience in brackets on the qualities identified.
Trusted advisors seem to:
- Seem to understand us, effortlessly and like us. (Do you listen to people’s advice if you don’t like you? Neither do I!)
- Are consistent; we can depend on them. (It’s frustrating when you don’t know when you don’t know where you stand with someone when you rely on them for help)
- Always help us to see things from fresh perspectives. (I always enjoy discussing topics with people who can help me see things from a different perspective)
- Don’t try to force things on us. (If a decision is made, tell me. If the decision is really mine, let me know)
- Help us think things through (it’s our decision)
- Don’t substitute their judgment for ours. (Have you ever been “mentored” when you know someone is trying to make you come to a different conclusion but you don’t know what it is? Can be annoying)
- Don’t panic or get over-emotional: they stay calm.
- Help us think and separate our logic from our emotion. (When I am worked up or anxious I am least likely to make a good decision)
- Criticize and correct us gently, lovingly. (I am not sure how many of my bosses loved me. My guess is none! I do agree with the gently part.)
- Don’t pull their punches: we can rely on them to tell us the truth. (This is a quality I really look for in a leader)
- Are in it for the long haul; the relationship is more important than the current issue. (So true. This really builds trust)
- Give us reasoning (to help us think) not just their conclusions. (Sometimes mentors are wrong. They have “flawed mental maps” and assumptions like the rest of us).
- Give us options, increase our understanding of those options, give their recommendations, let us choose.
- Challenge our assumptions: help us uncover the false assumptions we have worked under.
- Make us feel comfortable and casual personally, but they take their issues seriously.
- Act like a person, not someone in a role. (I sometimes struggle to connect with people who define themselves with rigid professional and personal persona’s. The lack of consistency here makes me wonder how well I really know the individual)
- Are reliably on our side, and always seem to have our interests at heart.
- Remember everything we ever said (I disagree with this one. I can’t even remember everything I say. Besides, people often experience the same events and words very differently)
- Are always honorable; they don’t gossip about others (We trust their values)
- Help us put our issues in context, often through the use of stories, and anecdotes. (Many decisions make a lot more sense when additional context is provided. Not always possible but appreciated when it is)
- Have a sense of humor to diffuse our tension in tough situations. (A wonderful skill. It’s great for a group of people to find the humorous when discussing divisive issues)
- Are smart sometimes in ways that we are not. (My mentors are typically much stronger in areas where I am weak or less experienced)
In conclusion, employees desire autonomy, mastery and purpose in their roles. An important aspect of my job is to help them find this in their work. I try to add value where I can, then get out of their way so they can be best that they can be. My sincere hope is if I can integrate the suggestions outlined above I can really make a difference in my employee’s careers.
I’d love to hear from anyone with thoughts on this topic……


